Well, I’m on my 7th day back to work and I feel like it’s getting better. Last week was hard. A couple mornings I had the shakes and had a rough go of it but I got out of bed and stumbled to my car and drove in. It hasn’t been easy. Luckily in this form of recovery relapse is encouraged. So when I get home from work I instantly find the little man, swoop him up and hold him until I’m good and intoxicated. Soon after that the shakes subside and I feel normal again. I don’t mess around. I get a solid 8 hour dose of him each afternoon/evening to equalize the soberness of work (plus another 6 hours of sleeping near him which is kinda like using the patch I would imagine). And then there’s the weekends, on the weekends I’m barely away long enough to feel even remotely devoid of his presence.
It’s enough to get me through each day (barely) for now. Sometimes when lunch hits I just want to sneak out the back door and drive home. Maybe no one would even notice me being gone. If they did surely I could come up with some believable excuse (addicts tell great lies, right?). I am just going to have to take this one day at a time and hope it gets easier. I guess I’m still teetering on that first step of recovery and, I don’t see myself getting past it any time soon (nor do I want to, at least not until the teenage years). Surely this is one addiction that can only have a good outcome.