Are babies psychic? Or do they know that their lives will be controlled by us adults for the next 16 years (realistically it’s probably more like 12 before they start becoming devious adolescents that you have no control over [maybe that was just me])? Because they really have some impeccable timing. Like the ability to know the exact moment you pull the burpie or bib away and then spew all over. Or when the diaper gets removed. Or when you’re holding them over your head looking right into their previously empty mouth. Not that I mind (alright maybe the over the head one was a bit gross) because I don’t have anything nice enough to care about getting ruined. If anything it’s just an excuse to replace a long ago worn out piece of furniture that has seen far to much of just about everything. I just think it’s funny. And ocasionally gross, but mostly just funny. Maybe it’s the world balancing things out for the babies. You can’t control most aspects of your life yet, so we’ll give you a little something to play with. Make it an even playing field.
I remember a Futurama episode, or maybe it was a Simpsons ep, where there was a device invented that allowed for a babies thoughts to be read and then vocalized (now that I think about I think it was “The Smpsons“) for the world to hear. That’s what I want. So I have some warning. It may not prevent, but it will at least warn. “Hey Dad I’m going to…bleh”. Better, right? Or would you just hear white noise, or maybe some soothing jazz soundtrack or something playing through their head. That would be alright. Then the “bleh” would at least be delivered in a soothing fashion. I dunno, maybe there’s already an iPhone app for that.
Apparently all this “bleh”-ing is due to an underdeveloped sphincter. It’s like driving the wrong way on a one way street. Once you get going it’s hard to stop and turn around. Sometime’s it’s easier to just wait it out and make it to the end. Just put on some jazz and drive calmly down the road like nothing’s the matter. Then when you reach the end, slip slyly back into the flow of traffic and continue on like nothing ever happened. And in the case of RQ, you do that over and over and over again (and sometimes one or two more over and over’s). So here’s to a week of sphincter development!