I am a pretty darn liberal person/parent. As such I don’t feel the need to censor very much for my kid’s sake. Television has really been one of the only things that his Mother and I (Wow, that makes me feel SO old to say “His Mother and I”) have felt the need to shield him from. At least until now. Sure, down the road we’ll have to start adding more to the ‘blacked-out’ list. Language being one of the next to add. Though I tend to think that toddlers swearing is a pretty cute and funny thing. Especially if they can use the words in context. Take for instance a story from one of my co-workers telling me about a trip to the gym with her husband and son. They take two cars because her husband likes to stay quite a bit longer than she does. So on this particular trip the sweat lodge she drove alone and her son went with her husband. On the way, the kid carrying car was behind the Mom carrying car and her son was trying desperately to get her attention. After a few minutes of him getting more and more upset at his mom for not seeing his frantic attention getting tactics in the car behind her the husband stepped in and informed the boy that she simply could not see or hear him no matter hard he tried. His response to this news “Fucking Mommy!” I mean that is the kind of shit I love. It’s not for everyone, but I personally can’t get enough of it. This story really has nothing to do with the rest of the post. I just think it’s funny.
As I said, the need for censorship in my household until now has been pretty much non-existent. Then I went out into the world yesterday, the 9th day of November and what did I see ALL OVER THE EFFING PLACE? CHRISTMAS! I was slapped in the face with “Merry Christmas” and “Ho, Ho, Freaking Ho” and “Good Effing Tidings”. Are you kidding me? November 9th. Christmas is now a season that Hallmark has successfully lobbied to have placed between autumn and winter. It goes from November 9th to December 30th. This is what I need to censor my son from. Corporate fucking agendas. And moreover, why do the corps feel the need to follow suit with the one in line ahead of them. Just because Hallmark put up their Christmas decorations, does that mean that all the retailers have to set up like a game of domino’s and fall into line? Why not stand up and WAIT. Until it is actually Christmas. I understand that your sales are all down for the year, but come on. As a consumer, the only accomplishment achieved here is that I will wait until the last minute to buy, maybe even until after Christmas, just so you can’t post my sale to your holiday stats. And the worst part of it all, now I’ll have to endure an extra 3 damn weeks of Christmas music getting stuck in my head. And the second I start unconsciously singing “ay ay ay it’s Christmas and I don’t know what to do” my wife will throw me out back with a damp sheet that was only partially cleaned to sleep with. I CAN’T TAKE IT CORPORATE AMERICA! Please just leave us to enjoy our pseudo California autumn in peace without you rushing us along.
I’m sure my kid will think I’m the biggest scrooge that there ever was, when at the beginning of November he’s all “Papa, Papa, know what I want for Christmas this year?” and I’m all “RQ, say one more word about Christmas between now and November day after thanksgivingth (when Christmas has started my whole life until now) and there will be no Christmas.” But that’s just how is going to have to be. Otherwise Hallmark will have won and all of our seasons will have been substituted with corporately sponsored holidays. We will have ‘valentine season’ instead of spring, ‘fourth of July solstice’ parties instead of summer. And Halloween and Christmas will dominate the later part of the year. I just can’t let that happen. So hopefully the damage I cause by being a Christmas season denier will not be too devastating to RQ’s childhood. One day he’ll understand. I will make sure of that.